For a long period after Masters and Johnson published their groundbreaking book, Human Sexual Response in 1966, the assumption has been that men and women share a similar pattern of sexual response. As a result, many women (among them many of my clients) wonder if their sexual responsiveness is not quite normal, perhaps problematic, or even pathological.
In Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes are High (2013), authors Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler observe how easily our eons-old defense mechanisms kick in, when we match an inappropriate or sharp comment, accusation or unkind shot with our own hasty, ugly reaction. With absolutely no clue as to what is going on in our partner’s head, the opportunity for understanding and connection is missed.
In his 2008 book, The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work, Terrence Real, distinguished therapist and bestselling author, draws upon his experience working with thousands of couples to teach frustrated partners how to get their mates to show up (and grow up!).
In a previous posting we list what John Gottman, professor emeritus in Psychology (Univ. of WA), refers to as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse — the four major negative behaviors that are highly destructive to the couple’s connection when they appear too frequently in their interactions.
Alongside the antidotes offered in that posting, we add the following ways to prevent the downward relational spiral caused by these behaviors.
John Gottman (b.1942), professor emeritus in Psychology (Univ. of WA), is known for his work on marital stability and relationship analysis through direct, scientific observations. Gottman developed multiple models, scales and formulas to predict marital stability and divorce in couples, and has completed seven studies in this field.
The Five Stages of Change model of behavior, originally developed in the 1970s to better understand how smokers might give up their addiction to cigarettes (Prochaska & DiClemente*), is based on the assumption that behavioral change does not take place in one step or at one time, but is rather a process involving progress through a series of distinct, predictable stages.
A recent article in the Modern Love column of the NYTimes has gone (hysterically) viral among marriage therapists. The message, focusing on the damaging effects of sweeping conflict under the rug, apparently resonated loudly. I share here an abridged version of author Laura Pritchett’s open, intimate piece.
Many of the young couples who come to see me are terrified at the 50% divorce statistic and are seeking the answer to avoiding it. The best answer is, of course, to marry the right person. The question arises repeatedly: Why do so many of us make mistakes?
Swiss-born, British-based philosopher and award-winning television personality Alain de Botton writes and presents on contemporary themes, among them the process of falling in and out of love. The following piece is an excerpt from a recent NYTimes article in which De Botton attempts to explain why so many of us marry the wrong person.