May 15 / Simcha

7 Verbs . . . Better Loving (E. Perel)

Relationship and sex therapist Esther Perel notes that, much as one must be able to conjugate certain core verbs in order to speak a language, one must similarly practice seven basic relational verbs to sustain a satisfying friendship or relationship.  In the bedroom, practicing these verbs becomes even more significant.

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May 01 / Simcha

Successful Couples Therapy

So many couples wish that the repair work might be done for them. They come into couples therapy hoping the therapist will quickly notice how very (very!) wrong their partner is in every way, how responsible that partner is for all the damage, distrust and ill will.

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Apr 28 / Simcha

Great Betrayals  (A. Fels)

       Image credit: Anthony Russo

In her New York Times article, Great Betrayals (10.05.13), New York psychiatrist Dr. Anna Fels writes eloquently about the corrosive, confusing and life-altering impact of betrayal and deceit in a marriage.

She describes how lies eat away at the fabric of the betrayed partner’s past reality, creating the need — in order to move forward — for a new narrative that integrates both the good and the bad.  The following is a selection from her longer article.

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Apr 18 / Simcha

The Power in the Pause

When our partner snaps at us, s/he is generally sending us a distress signal. That distress may be connected to an immediate need that is not being met; to a sense of being overwhelmed; to a feeling of inadequacy or of being misunderstood; or even to an old (painful or uncomfortable) family-of-origin dynamic or trauma that is being triggered.

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Mar 27 / Simcha

When to Let Go (M. Kirshenbaum)

Many partners find themselves in a dreadful state of ambivalence, unable to decide whether the positive aspects of their relationship sufficiently outweigh the negative aspects to warrant staying.

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Dec 04 / Simcha

Rethinking Foreplay

sexHuman sexuality is complex, and the nature of intimate partners’ circumstances and interactions is varied and complicated.  That said, at the risk of oversimplifying all of the above, I share with you a simple, but wise, quotation that rethinks…. foreplay.  

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Dec 04 / Simcha

Loving Generously (E.E. Smith)

generosityAccording to scientific findings, lasting relationships come down to — you guessed it — kindness and generosity. Drawing on the research of the Gottman Relationship Institute, Emily Esfahani Smith (Masters of Love, The Atlantic, 6.12.14) writes that partners who show genuine interest in their partners’ joys are more likely to be happy together and content with their relationship.  The following is a short, edited excerpt.

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