Apr 18 / Simcha

The Power in the Pause

When our partner snaps at us, s/he is generally sending us a distress signal. That distress may be connected to an immediate need that is not being met; to a sense of being overwhelmed; to a feeling of inadequacy or of being misunderstood; or even to an old (painful or uncomfortable) family-of-origin dynamic or trauma that is being triggered.

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Mar 27 / Simcha

When to Let Go (M. Kirshenbaum)

Many partners find themselves in a dreadful state of ambivalence, unable to decide whether the positive aspects of their relationship sufficiently outweigh the negative aspects to warrant staying.

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Dec 04 / Simcha

Rethinking Foreplay

sexHuman sexuality is complex, and the nature of intimate partners’ circumstances and interactions is varied and complicated.  That said, at the risk of oversimplifying all of the above, I share with you a simple, but wise, quotation that rethinks…. foreplay.  

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Dec 04 / Simcha

Loving Generously (E.E. Smith)

generosityAccording to scientific findings, lasting relationships come down to — you guessed it — kindness and generosity. Drawing on the research of the Gottman Relationship Institute, Emily Esfahani Smith (Masters of Love, The Atlantic, 6.12.14) writes that partners who show genuine interest in their partners’ joys are more likely to be happy together and content with their relationship.  The following is a short, edited excerpt.

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Nov 15 / Simcha

Tips for Time-Out (T. Real)

timeDisagreements do not need to be resolved immediately or before we go to bed.  On the contrary. Often, when a fight with our partner escalates, our nervous system goes into overdrive, as we are flooded by currents of rage, hurt, panic and fear.  Our muscles tighten, our stomachs clench, our hands begin to tremble.  This is our primitive, parasympathetic nervous system in action, preparing us for fight or flight, a state in which we lose our capacity for rational thought.

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Oct 23 / Simcha

Recovering from Infidelity (E. Perel)

brokenheartOver the course of several years, psychologist/author Esther Perel contacted couples she had seen following an affair to find out more about the long-term impact of the infidelity.  This posting is an abridged version of an article she published in 2010 (After the Storm: The Affair in Retrospective), in which she identified three basic patterns in the way couples reorganize themselves after an infidelity.

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Oct 21 / Simcha

Infidelity: To forgive or not to forgive

trustYour partner has had an affair. Should you leave? Esther Perel, psychotherapist and author of Mating in Captivity (2006), maintains that to think of the affair as the sum total of a whole relationship, is to think in black-and-white. Sometimes, exploring and coming to an understanding of what happened in the relationship makes it deeper and more resilient. But how does one go about the process of forgiving?

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