In her book Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens and the Culture of Sex, sociologist Amy Schalet traces the roots of parents’ divergent attitudes, and explores the way family culture shapes not just sex but also alcohol consumption and parent-teen relationships. Her work challenges American parents — for whom teenage sex is something to be feared and forbidden, and often a source of family conflict — to consider different, and possible better ways to love, respect and care for our children.
Another Problem with Porn
Writing for Slate magazine (11.18.2011), Amanda Marcotte points at several signs that “truly comprehensive sex education [is] an idea whose time has finally come.” For years now, she writes, the debate over sex education in the mainstream has been along the lines of, “Do we tell kids sex is an awful thing and they shouldn’t do it at all, or do we tell kids sex is an awful thing, but if they must, here’s how to be safe?” Marcotte argues for a third approach — a comprehensive sex education program that teaches young people to have not just healthy, but pleasurable sex.
It’s Not What You Say; It’s How You Say It (or: Counting Words)
Be careful every time you open you mouth; the way you speak (and not just the content of what you say) discloses more about your true feelings and unconscious feelings than you are aware, or even may intend. This notion drew my attention this morning, as I listened to an interview with (Univ. of Texas) linguistic psychologist James Pennebaker, speaking about his new book The Secret Life of Pronouns.
Mother-Daughter Conflicts (Elizabeth Bernstein)
In a recent article in The Wall Street Journal ( ‘I’m Not Your Little Baby!’ Calling a Truce in Mother-Daughter Conflict, 4.24.12), columnist Elizabeth Bernstein examines the lifelong friction between mothers and daughters. The following is an excerpt.
It’s common for mother-daughter relations to be stormy in the daughter’s teen years. But why do mothers and daughters continue to push one another’s buttons well into adulthood?
Six Blind Men and an Elephant
In the wonderful ancient Indian tale The Six Blind Men and the Elephant (made popular by 19th-century English poet John Godfrey Saxe), six blind men touch an elephant. Although each man touches the same animal, his determination of the elephant is based only on what he is able to perceive.
Why Does My Teenager Fight with Me?
In an article that appeared in Domestic Intelligence (1.19.2009), psychologist and writer Dr. Terri Apter suggests that recent discoveries about the still-developing adolescent human brain and traditional explanations about raging teenage hormones do not sufficiently explain the teen’s experience of parents. And they therefore do not sufficiently help us understand why teenagers fight so much with their parents.
Do Women Like Child Care More Than Men? (Tara Parker-Pope)
This article by Tara Parker-Pope appeared in The New York Times Magazine (3.25.2012). I found it most interesting and thought I’d share it in its entirety.
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Once during a disagreement with my husband, I complained that he wasn’t helping enough with our daughter, and I gave him a long list of the parenting chores I was shouldering on my own. “But you like doing all that stuff,” he blurted in his defense.
Talking to Teens About Sex (Apter)
Terri Apter, PhD, a University of Cambridge researcher and leading authority on mothers and teen girls, offers a four-point plan to improve your next conversation. These ideas are taken from the May 2009 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine.
I would only add that many of these ideas are equally applicable to speaking with your teenage sons about sex.