May 19 / Simcha

We Need to Talk (C. Headlee)

Celeste Headlee, who has worked as an NPR and Public Radio host for decades, knows the ingredients of a great conversation: honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening. Author of We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter (2017), Headlee notes that most of us don’t listen with the intent to understand, but rather to reply — a dynamic that is clearly evident in many dysfunctional relationships. 

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Mar 26 / Simcha

STD Testing in an Age of Viruses

This period of coming to terms with viruses and transmitted diseases might be a good time to give some thought to whether we are protecting our sexual health, and whether we are doing our utmost to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections and diseases. Once we are all out of quarantine and sequestration, it would be wise to follow these guidelines coming from STDTesting.org.

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Nov 13 / Simcha

Your Child Owes No One a Hug

A thought I want to share as the holidays approach: Your child owes no one a hug.  

Insisting a child kiss or hug a relative or family friend Hello or Goodbye when s/he does want to, invalidates your child’s feelings by suggesting that external pressures (and Aunty’s feelings) are more important than his/hers.  And it teaches them that consent can be manipulated, by cajoling or worse.

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Nov 13 / Simcha

Being Wrong (K. Schulz)

So many of the struggles of the couples I work with revolve around one or the other’s need to always be right, to hold on tight to ideas, beliefs or perceptions as if their lives depend upon it.  

While possibly protecting us from our own self-doubt and uncertainty, this need to always be right “calcifies” our ability to listen well, to be flexible and open-minded, and makes us a lot less fun to be around to boot….  And by regularly dismissing our partner’s ideas and feelings, we are also inadvertently poisoning our relationship.  

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Oct 16 / Simcha

Daughters of Unloving Mothers (P. Streep)

A mother who is emotionally distant, withholding, inconsistent, or even hypercritical or cruel, inflicts multiple wounds on her daughter, writes Peg Streep in her article in Psychology Today.

Author of the Daughter Detox: Recovering from an Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life, and Mean Mothers: Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt, Streeps writes not as a therapist or psychologist, but “as a fellow traveller.”

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Jul 17 / Simcha

The Porcupine Dilemma

Click on the image to view porcupine on Freud’s desk in his London study in what is now the Freud Museum

Some years back, I visited the Freud Museum in London, once the final home of Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, and his daughter Anna Freud, a pioneering child psychoanalyst. (The Freud family had come to England as refugees, following the Nazi annexation of Austria in March 1938.)

On Freud’s desk in his study stood a metal figure of a porcupine with quills, a figure he apparently kept there all the time.  Why a porcupine?

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