A recent NYTimes article by Alex Williams (1.11.2013) lamenting the end of courtship in this new internet culture has triggered a huge amount of media attention and reaction. In today’s paper, columnist Frank Bruni urges us not to panic — but rather to pause a moment and “return to a halcyon world of agrarian ways and contemplate the unflustered situation of a fertile lass on the cusp of womanhood centuries ago.”
The Mathematics of Love (J. Brody)
Health writer Jane Brody reminds us in a recent posting (That Loving Feelings Takes a Lot of Work, 1.14.2013) to her NYTimes Personal Health blog of the power of positive comments and gestures. Although negative comments clearly serve us well in keeping us out of danger and correcting undesirable actions, balancing them with the right amount of positive comments can keep a relationship flourishing. The following is a selection from her longer piece… a nice reminder!
Finding the Raw Spots (S. Johnson)
The following article is drawn from the guiding principles of Emotion Focused Therapy, developed by Susan Johnson. EFT views the central problem in a distressed relationship as the loss of secure emotional connection, and the pattern of negative interactions that both reflects and perpetuates this loss.
The Greatest Marriage Tip: Honor your partner’s vulnerability (H. Lerner)
In a recent posting on her Psychology Today blog (The Dance of Connection: Rescuing women and men from the quicksand of difficult relationships), family and marriage therapist and author Dr. Harriet Lerner stresses the importance of “tending generously” to our partners’ vulnerabilities.
Offering Comfort to the Grieving (E.C. Heath)
When Rev. Emily C. Heath served as a chaplain in the emergency department of a children’s hospital with a level one trauma center, she saw countless senseless tragedies, and came to recognize how difficult it is for people to find appropriate words of comfort.
Based on her experience, she offers her advice (Huffiington Post, 12.14.2012) regarding five things NOT to say, and five things she has found helpful to say, to grieving family and friends. I would add that most of these suggestions are applicable to ALL grieving people, and not just to parents grieving the loss of their children.
New Love: A Short Shelf Life (S. Lyubomirsky)
In the following selection from a recent New York Times article (12.01.12), psychology professor Sonya Lyubomirsky (Univ. of CA, Riverside) examines why new, passionate love, a state of intense longing, desire and attraction inevitably morphs, in time, into companionate love, a less impassioned blend of deep affection and connection. She also proposes a powerful antidote to familiarity.
Empathy and the Brain
ScienceDaily published a piece this week (Area of the Brain That Processes Empathy Identified, 10.24.12) about an international team led by researchers at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York that has shown, for the first time, that one area of the brain, called the anterior insular cortex, is the activity center of human empathy, whereas other areas of the brain are not.
Lust Diminishes, but Love Remains (E. Svoboda)
Good relationships are vital for a healthy life. And healthy connections provide some of the best opportunities to grow in meaningful ways. In a lovely piece entitled Lessons For Living in the most recent edition of Psychology Today, Elizabeth Svoboda proposes five principles for living, loving, and playing well with others.