simcha's postings about love, connection, parenting & personal growth
In a previous posting we list what John Gottman, professor emeritus in Psychology (Univ. of WA), refers to as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse — the four major negative behaviors that are highly destructive to the couple’s connection when they appear too frequently in their interactions.
Alongside the antidotes offered in that posting, we add the following ways to prevent the downward relational spiral caused by these behaviors.
John Gottman (b.1942), professor emeritus in Psychology (Univ. of WA), is known for his work on marital stability and relationship analysis through direct, scientific observations. Gottman developed multiple models, scales and formulas to predict marital stability and divorce in couples, and has completed seven studies in this field.
A recent article in the Modern Love column of the NYTimes has gone (hysterically) viral among marriage therapists. The message, focusing on the damaging effects of sweeping conflict under the rug, apparently resonated loudly. I share here an abridged version of author Laura Pritchett’s open, intimate piece.
Many of the young couples who come to see me are terrified at the 50% divorce statistic and are seeking the answer to avoiding it. The best answer is, of course, to marry the right person. The question arises repeatedly: Why do so many of us make mistakes?
Swiss-born, British-based philosopher and award-winning television personality Alain de Botton writes and presents on contemporary themes, among them the process of falling in and out of love. The following piece is an excerpt from a recent NYTimes article in which De Botton attempts to explain why so many of us marry the wrong person.
In Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstanding (2010), father of cognitive therapy and professor of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania Aaron T. Beck analyzes the actual dialogue of troubled couples to illuminate the most common problems in marriage.
He points to the negative thinking, disillusionment, rigid rules, unrealistic expectations, and illogical conclusions as contributing to much of the miscommunication that pulls partners apart.
Domestic violence affects people from every racial, cultural, religious and socio-economic backgrounds, and of every sexual orientation. A leading cause of injury for American women between the ages of 15 and 54, it takes place against women of every age. It is easy and natural to ignore signs of domestic violence.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Kelly Flanagan recently posted a nice piece in the Huffington Post (10.13.14), in which he urges us to look more realistically at the messiness of life and the disappointments of marriage. He lays out the playing field of marriage as one fraught with challenges, yet worth working on in the long haul.
Relationship has been viewed by researchers as a sequence of developmental stages, a process through which the partners strive for balance between their need for individual autonomy and their desire for togetherness. This particular description of relational stages has been adapted from the work of California psychologist Ellyn Bader.