simcha's postings about love, connection, parenting & personal growth
The following posting includes selections from Part 2 of psychologist and social sociologist Laurence Steinberg’s article in Psychology Today (Feb. 2011), that urges parents to talk to their teens about sex before they become sexually active. Part 1 offered some explanations why parents are reluctant to speak about sex.
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How can parents overcome their own hesitations and their young adolescent’s resistance? Here are some suggestions:
Psychologist, professor and social sociologist Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D., is an internationally renowned expert on the psychological development of adolescents. Steinberg urges parents to talk to their teens about sex before they become sexually active.
I include here his article on the subject that appeared Psychology Today (Feb. 2011), in two separate postings. Part 1 examines why parents are reluctant to speak about sex. Part 2 will look at how parents can overcome their own hesitations (and their young adolescent’s resistance) to talk to their young adolescent about sex.
Alison Gopnik, a leading researcher in the field of cognitive development, writes in the latest edition of the Smithsonian Magazine, that when children pretend, they’re not just being silly — they’re doing science.
Walk into any preschool and you’ll find toddling superheroes battling imaginary monsters. We take it for granted that young children play and, especially, pretend. Why do they spend so much time in fantasy worlds?
Excerpted from the New York Times opinion piece by Tim Kreider, 6.30.12)
If you live in America in the 21st century you’ve probably had to listen to a lot of people tell you how busy they are. It’s become the default response when you ask anyone how they’re doing: “Busy!” “So busy.” “Crazy busy!” It is, pretty obviously, a boast disguised as a complaint. And the stock response is a kind of congratulation: “That’s a good problem to have,” or “Better than the opposite.”
Commentary on the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experience) Study by Betsy McAlister Groves, MSW, LICSW
The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study, authored in 2001 by Vincent Felitti, Robert Anda, Dale Nordenberg, et al, is important research, both because of the large cohort that was studied (drawn from a non-clinical sample of 30,000 members of the Kaiser Health Plan) and for its findings of a strong relationship between risk factors established in childhood and medical problems in later life.
How does one co-parent with someone who won’t let go of the past?
How does one afford one’s children a continued sense of stability and the chance to maintain a good relationship with both parents – when one’s ex is nasty, disrespectful, or uncooperative?
Children who are allowed to do whatever they want, whenever they want, and who are given whatever they ask for, have great trouble learning how to cope with frustration. When placed in settings (school!) where they are no longer at the center of anyone’s universe, they have difficult adjusting, and will often act out their frustration, anger and disappointment.
It is our natural tendency as parents (and often as partners as well) to pay attention to, and focus more on what is wrong, rather than what is right. As a result, our children and teens feel unappreciated and become less motivated to change or improve their behavior. In addition, they quickly learn that they can get more of our attention through negative behavior or “acting out.”