In 1909 Rudyard Kipling (1865-1939), English short-story writer, poet and novelist (remembered mostly for his tales and poems of British soldiers in India and for his tales for children) published his now-famous poem “If” in a collection entitled Rewards and Fairies. The poem was not well-received, possibly because of its moralizing tone, its too-neat solution to life’s problems, and its orderly, rhymed verses at a time when Romantic poets were experimenting with freer forms of verse.
Lust Diminishes, but Love Remains (E. Svoboda)
Good relationships are vital for a healthy life. And healthy connections provide some of the best opportunities to grow in meaningful ways. In a lovely piece entitled Lessons For Living in the most recent edition of Psychology Today, Elizabeth Svoboda proposes five principles for living, loving, and playing well with others.
Defer Gratification: You Won’t be Sorry!
A persuasive study out of Duke University (2010) suggests that not only is self-control important for the health, wealth, and public safety of the population, but that childhood self-control can predict physical health, substance dependence, personal finances, and criminal offending outcomes, following a gradient of self-control.
Please Don’t Leave Me….
When our fear of being deserted by our loved ones moves beyond the natural fear of loss, it can begin to undermine and damage those very relationships we most fear losing. Thoughts of being alone can trigger compulsive behaviors so severe and unsettling that they begin to interfere with our daily lives.
Bringing Lust Home (E. Perel)
I quite enjoyed the following conversation (2007) between journalist Jesse Kornbluth and psychologist Esther Perel concerning the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire and what it takes to bring lust home. Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examined the complexities of sustaining desire in her warmly-received book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence.
Surviving the "Squeeze" (according to Buddhist teaching)
In her popular book, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times (Shambhala Classics, 2000), renowned American Buddhist nun and spiritual teacher Pema Chödrön (born Deirdre Blomfield-Brown) offers words of wisdom for going on living when we are overcome by pain and difficulties.
The following paragraphs paraphrase a few of her ideas about relaxing into the “groundlessness” we experience during certain painful, awkward, uncomfortable moments.
The Power of Negative Thinking (O. Burkeman)
In a recent New York Times piece, Oliver Burkeman, author of the forthcoming book The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking, takes a look at the recent event in San Jose, CA, called Unleash the Power Within, starring motivational speaker Tony Robbins. Twenty-one people, committed to the belief of Mr. Robbins and his acolytes that “it’s all a matter of mind-set: cultivate the belief that success is guaranteed, and anything is possible,” were treated for burns after walking barefoot over hot coals. The following is a selection from Burkeman’s piece.
Why Overparenting is Harmful (M. Levine)
Therapist and author Madeline Levine (Teach Your Children Well: Parenting for Authentic Success, HarperCollins, 2012) shares her thoughts on raising successful children and on the dangers of “over-parenting” in a recent opinion piece in the New York Times. The following is a selection.