Brain science supports anecdotal evidence that compassion is infinitely more effective in de-escalating conflict and nurturing intimacy than are cool logic and rational argument. The following tactics are generally less than successful in trying to get the understanding and caring we need from our partner:
California couples therapist Dr. Robert Solley writes about the need to be right as a significant single predictor of relationship failure.
When differences become contests of right and wrong, he writes, the essential feelings of safety and comfort that we seek in relationship get replaced with feelings of helplessness, mistrust, inadequacy and pain.
In the wonderful ancient Indian tale The Six Blind Men and the Elephant (made popular by 19th-century English poet John Godfrey Saxe), six blind men touch an elephant. Although each man touches the same animal, his determination of the elephant is based only on what he is able to perceive.