Nov 10 / Simcha

On Neediness and Eroticism (E. Perel)

perelIn the TED talk shared below, psychotherapist/sex therapist Esther Perel presents with her usual brilliantly nuanced approach to love, sex and desire.  She notes that our era is the first time in human history that couples are looking to sustain love and desire across decades; in that quest, they often “ask of one person what was once asked of an entire village.”

The kind of neediness that arises from such a quest is an erotic shutdown.  Perel maintains that caretaking and desire are antithetical, and therein lies the paradox of sustaining desire in long-term, loving relationships.

In this eloquent and thought-provoking TED talk, Perel explores the mystery of erotic intelligence and the road to reconciliation of the erotic and the domestic. A most worthwhile twenty minutes of your time…

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For her research Perel, who speaks nine languages, has traveled to twenty countries and explored sexual desire across cultures. She coaches and consults organizations and families, holds a private psychotherapy practice in New York, and speaks regularly on erotic intelligence, trauma, conflict resolution and infidelity. She is the author of Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic.

See also:   Bringing Lust Home